We, the undersigned, of sound mind and relatively sober memory, fully aware of the magnitude of our responsibility and the absence of any instruction manual for shared happiness, hereby adopt this Constitution and solemnly pledge:
Article 1. On Borsch and Other Sacred Rituals
1.1. The wife has the right to forget how to cook borsch. Also soup, pilaf, and navy-style pasta. This is not a crime, but a creative search or a stage in the family's spiritual growth.
In this case, the husband has the right to:
a) Google the recipe,
b) Call his mother,
c) Proudly order pizza.
If the borsch turns out to be a strange color, we pretend it's an original chef's interpretation.
1.2. Spouses have the right to eat it in silence and with gratitude. Especially if something crunches in the bowl, but it's definitely not the family silver. The wife's hair (or the hair of her children from a previous marriage) found in the food shall be regarded as a superfood.
1.3. The party not involved in the cooking process is obligated to give a compliment, even if it seems that the cabbage had other plans.
Article 2. On Socks and Wardrobe Anarchy
2.1. Scattered socks are not considered a violation, but part of the interior design, elements of contemporary art.
Their strategic placement around the dwelling symbolizes harmonious masculine-feminine presence, feng shui, and freedom of self-expression.
The party resisting this rule has the right to:
- carefully gather them,
- silently relocate them,
- sigh dramatically,
- or organize a "Find the Pair" quest.
Panic is prohibited. Socks do not multiply.
Spoiler alert: according to the latest fashion, socks are not supposed to match. In fact, they shouldn't match. The greater the difference in color, style, and material, the cooler you are.
2.2. The rest of the wardrobe is welcome in any manifestation: jeans or red underwear on the chandelier (guarantees abundance), a t-shirt on the floor lamp (protection against premature enlightenment), a hat on the cat (at least someone agrees to wear a hat).
2.3. Order is a philosophical concept.
If something is not in its place, it means it has its own path.
The phrase "But I just tidied up!" is considered sacred and not up for discussion.
If an item is not found within three days, it automatically transfers to the category "Gifted to the Universe."
Article 3. On Household Duties
3.1. Whoever gets up last makes the bed. If they don't, see Article 2.1 or skip straight to the spoiler:
Not a single bed has ever frozen from cold or died of shame for not being made.
3.2. Dishes can be washed in the morning. Or the day after tomorrow. The main thing is that we don't run out of spoons.
3.3. Cleaning is announced spontaneously and by mutual agreement. If there is no agreement, we continue living in coziness and cuddles.
3.4. An argument about who will take out the trash should not last longer than taking out the trash itself.
Article 4. On Quarrels and Reconciliations
4.1. Quarreling is permitted for no longer than 15 minutes. After this time, someone must say "sorry" or at least stick out their tongue.
4.2. During a quarrel, it is forbidden to:
- mention the mother-in-law,
- recount old grievances,
- storm off into the sunset without a passport and a blanket.
4.3. Do not hold a grudge for more than three sunsets.
On the fourth day, it turns into a TV series with sequels. And no parade of planets justifies that.
4.4. Recover is allowed by any means not prohibited by the Criminal Code. Particularly encouraged are:
- sudden hugs,
- tea with cake,
- watching silly reels together.
Article 5. On Moods
5.1. If one spouse is just sad for no reason, the other does not "fix" them, but quietly hugs them or holds their hand.
5.2. The phrase "What's up?" is uttered softly, without an investigative tone.
5.3. Sweet Treats are recognized as first aid medicine.
Article 6. On Romance
6.1. Romance doesn't have to be expensive; herbal tea in the kitchen at 10:55 PM and an honest conversation are sufficient.
6.2. Laughing at oneself is encouraged.
Article 7. Thou Shalt Not Compare
7.1. Not with exes, not with other people's husbands/wives, not with ideal couples from the internet or movies.
7.2. The Constitution permits comparisons only of prices in the store.
Article 8. On News, Negativity, and the Right to Filter
8.1. The husband has the right to be interested in the fate of the world and to share everything that's weighing on him. The wife has the right not to be interested in the fate of the world and not to listen to it. Especially if her day was longer than the line for the Maldives.
8.2. The concept of "information customs inspection" is hereby introduced. Before delivering alarming news of the "here we go again, war/crisis/end of the world" level, the husband is obliged to ask the sacred question: "Darling, do you have the resources to listen to something sad?"
If the answer is "no," the news is sent to the trash, to the forest, to grandma's, or postponed until better times.
8.3. The wife has the right to say: "I love you, but today I am not the complaints and suggestions department."
This does not mean divorce. This means self-preservation.
Other answer options at the wife's discretion:
"Yes, tell me briefly,"
"Just no details,"
"Tomorrow,"
or "No. Today I stand for world peace within myself."
8.4. If the news is nevertheless delivered and hangs in the air like a heavy cloud, the husband is obliged to neutralize it:
- hug his wife,
- make a joke,
- change the subject,
- give a massage,
- compensate for moral damage in a material form, in a manner and amount pre-agreed by both parties.
In especially severe cases (when negativity is overwhelming and there's no strength left), the wife is permitted to:
- gently place her finger on her husband's lips with a tender smile,
- put on a video of a cat, memes, or something funny,
- suggest cuddling in silence.
8.5. The husband undertakes not to be offended that she "doesn't want to listen to him." It's not about him. It's about the wife needing to breathe, not drown.
If the husband really wants to discuss the apocalypse, the following is permitted:
- talking to friends,
- reading internet comments (at his own risk),
- going for a walk,
- doing sports,
- deep breathing.
The world is saved not by the quantity of news retold, but by the quantity of preserved nervous systems.
8.6. Both spouses have the right to a day of silence. No news. No worries. No gadgets. Just tea, a blanket, and an absence of any tidings.
May your home be a place only for news that warms the heart, not weighs it down. 💛
Article 9. On Love and Other Magic
9.1. Saying "I love you" to each other is mandatory. Even if one just ate the last piece of dessert.
9.2. Hugging: at least three times a day. Exception: six times a day.
9.3. If you have to choose between being right and being happy, the Constitution recommends the latter.
9.4. Remember: we are not perfect. But we are perfect for each other (by the joint decision of our subconscious minds). Even with sock anarchy. Even without borsch. Even amidst a flow of negative news.
9.5. Love.
Not for the borsch.
Not for the tidiness.
Not for the socks in the hamper.
Not for the restrained news or compensation for moral damages.
Just because. 💖
Final Provisions
This Charter enters into force immediately.
It is valid for life.
Amendments are made by mutual desire and after a kiss at the family council, usually after the second glass of... nettle tea or the third slice of cake or third cake.
Long live the family! Long live love! And may the borsch turn out well someday! 🍲🧦💖
This Constitution was adopted in a state of total infatuation with Life and slight absurdity.
Signatures of the Parties:
__________________ ❤️ __________________
As a bonus, please insert your favorite photo with your beloved into the attached picture from the magical city in Costa Rica. If you don't have one yet, cut out an image you like from a magazine, but combine it with your own face. Love (and this bench) is awaiting!з
Note from the Legislative Assembly of Light and Love:
This Constitution is a work in progress. Proposals for amendments and additions are welcome.
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