Anger in connection with judgment, critic

 Before we get angry, we judge or criticize someone. Is this true in all cases?

The short answer is: no, not in all cases, but it is an extremely common and often unconscious mechanism.

Let's break down this phenomenon in more detail.

 Why does this happen? Psychological Mechanisms:

Criticism and judgment before getting angry are often a manifestation of the psyche's defense mechanisms. Here are the main reasons:

1.  Projection.

    This is the primary mechanism in this case. We unconsciously attribute our own unacceptable feelings, weaknesses, or thoughts to another person. For example, a husband who himself looks at other women may start fiercely judging and criticizing his wife for her "too revealing" clothing. His anger at himself is projected onto her.

2.  Displacement.

    We cannot express anger at the true source of the problem (a boss, parents, a client, a difficult situation) due to fear or impossibility, so we displace it onto a "safer" target—usually those close to us who are "at hand." First, we find some flaw in them (criticize), which gives us a "justification" for our anger.

3.  Justifying one's own emotion.

    Anger is a strong and socially not always approved emotion. To feel "right" in our anger, our brain first searches for and finds a "cause"—a flaw in the other person. "I'm not just angry; I'm angry because he/she is so... disobedient/irresponsible/egoistic." Criticism becomes a justifying verdict we pass on another to permit ourselves to be angry.

4.  Preemitive defense.

    Sometimes we anticipate criticism directed at us. If we feel we are about to be attacked (even if we are not), we ourselves go on the offensive with criticism to take a stronger position and not feel vulnerable.

Is it always like this? No, here are exceptions and alternative scenarios.

There are cases when anger arises without prior judgment:

1.  Direct and immediate threat.

    If a dog attacks you, you slam on the car brakes to avoid an accident, or someone grabs your child—anger (and fear) arise instantly, at the instinctual level. The brain has no time for criticism; the "fight or flight" mode kicks in.

2.  Anger as a reaction to pain.

    If you accidentally stub your little toe on a chair leg, your first reaction is rage at the inanimate object. This is a primitive, instantaneous emotional discharge. It's a pure physiological reaction.

3.  "Righteous indignation" (a debatable point).

    When we see obvious injustice directed not at us (for example, bullying of a weak person), anger can flare up immediately. Although there may be instantaneous condemnation of the aggressor, it happens almost simultaneously with the anger, rather than clearly preceding it.

4.  Conscious emotion management.

    An emotionally mature person, feeling irritation building up, can pause and ask themselves: "What am I really angry about? Is it their behavior or my own fatigue/resentment/fear?" In this case, a pause for reflection appears between the trigger and the anger, which prevents automatic criticism.

Conclusion:

Criticism and judgment are often not the cause of our anger, but its justification and a consequence of defense processes already activated within.

Understanding this mechanism is a powerful tool for personal growth:

❤ If you catch yourself criticizing, ask: "Am I actually angry? What is behind this criticism?" In such a case, you can show empathy to yourself, making space for what you feel, and realize which need is not being met.

❤If someone unleashes criticism on you, try (if you have the strength) to see behind it not your "guilt," but perhaps the anger or pain of another person who doesn't know how to express it otherwise. In this case, you can show empathy for the other, help them become aware of their emotions and unmet needs, without judgment or just stay quiet, uneffected by their critic, their pain.