my path

 I would like to improve my English so decided to write on my blog in English now. 😮

I would appreciate if someone would correct my mistakes!🙏

I thought to translate one of my first posts: about my path... Then I realized I periceve it differently now.💫

We are love and light, and its shadow. The sooner we accept our shadow the sooner we begin our happy life... 

As a game, movie. We play roles, sometimes roles that belong to others. Thankfully there are ways to let go the last ones. 

So... I was born in 1981, in Kazakhstan , USSR times... (I feel tension inside after writing  "USSR times" - it's still in my gut I guess...) Now I know what can be next therapy devoted to 😊 because similar feelings appear with the word Russia now.

The end... 

No, It was actually beginning... Beginning of the end...😀

Ok, now I have to remember my feelings after rebirth session where I was actually ready to go through this life, without fear, with anticipation, leaving behind the drama triangle  "Rescuer-Victim-Persecutor". Boring ah?💤

I probably was a gypsy in one of the reincarnations as from beginning of this life I changed many places to live, schools, groups, friends, environments.

In 1994  (I was 13) after USSR broke apart my family moved to Russia in little town with population about 70 000. It was looking like a village back those times especially after living in ex-capital.  

I was excited to move, starting new life but I had a nostalgy, missed my  friends - had about 6 penpals from Almaty for some years until we quit writing each other. Those nostalgic feelings went away after I visited Kazakhstan when I was about 25 years old, 12 years later. Thanks very much to my friend Julia who found me after many years not hearing from each other - she called me on my first mobile phone on my 24th birthday when phones and internet became more popular things. She found me through my mom. That was such a wonderful birthday gift! We had unforgettable time together in a year, on her 25th birthday in Almaty!!! I stopped seeing dreams about my childhood with friends or being back there as I met most of them in real and we caught up. I also noticed that the city I missed is not there anymore... It was completely different civilization. 

We moved to Russia with group of families from my mom's work. They started business all together in little town, celebrating holidays and birthdays all together until one by one all families separated for different reasons. That's when I saw how following ego interests can destroy relations or sometimes separation is needed for further growth and it can be done by different ways, less hurting ways.

Parallel I saw how alcohol can effect consciousness and behavior, destroy peace and comfort of relatives, interact with reaching your goals and being your better self. Thanks so much to my Daddy!  It helped me to make decision to not waste my health, energy, time and life on that substance. And I know how uneasy it is for people who are addicted to look, go through pain, traumas from childhood or adulthood that makes them choose alcohol instead as a painkiller. Some of them want to get free from it but  feel helpless. There is a way out though for those who want and ready to take some efforts! And we all know there are other ways to work with stress and emotions in life too. It's a personal choice and no blame! Somebody just has to go through that path... I hug all of them from my soul! 💖🤗Thank you...!🙇

 I love my dad not any less for that addiction. And he still is one of the best lawyers, gardeners, builders, humorist; was a successful figure skater in youth. He put a seed of yoga in me, love to nature, sea specifically. Thank you! 

I am grateful he didn't push me to keep working as a lawyer when I felt that role is not really mine anymore even though I enjoyed it for 7 years. Enough is enough! Those knowledge were very helpful and I protected my own rights a few times and stood for the rights of many people and even won the case that other colleagues couldn't. Not remembering feeling proud of it (maybe I was proud but not aware of that), more like a luck or genes did it's job - dad's genes, no extra efforts from me. Thank you dad!!! I love you!!!

As a lawyer I worked in consumer rights protection organization after I got my degree. A colleague signed up for Arabic dances classes. And I did too because I loved dancing and practiced a variety of dances before moving to Rostov-on-Don from that little town. It brought so much color into my life, removing the limitation that dancing is not for adults!

In a year I was offered to be instructor of belly dance in sport club. I remember, as if it were yesterday, how much these evening classes revived me, even if I crawled to them tired after trials and consultations, with a chronic lack of sleep ... I felt like I was ready to live another day like that. And how much morning classes helped me wake up in all senses - I felt the power of creative energy, music, movement, doing my favorite thing.💃💖

A few years later, in 2010, I turned another page of my life: left law job (and my first husband). My coaching activities expanded. I rented a hall, led about 3-5 classes for different ages, personal trainings a day, and I merged with a large and wonderful dance family.

Simultaneously digging mountains of psychological and esoteric information in search of my other half, and the answer to the question "who am I", gaining integrity, not, taking the first steps towards integrity.

To be continued...